The manners that maketh a man

We’ve been working hard on managing aggressive behaviour in our house (which I’ve blogged about before) and we are making some progress. A year or so ago, I was boring everyone with how brilliant Love Bombing is, but I have now moved on to raving about NVR at any and every opportunity. These two things, more than any therapy we’ve tried, have helped our boys enormously. Of course, they won’t work for everyone, but I find it hard to stop recommending the two techniques that have really helped us.
There’s a lot less violence in our house, which is amazing. It feels like the future is looking much brighter and more hopeful.
But, of course, as one problem shrinks down, another becomes far more obvious. Apparently this is called the Diderot Effect (I read about it in the paper recently). As aggression occupies less and less of my worries, I’m finding new things to worry about!
Right now, I’m worrying about rudeness.
We’ve been getting a lot of rudeness recently. Not just horrible rants mid-tantrum, but also a lot of low-key stuff. A lot of:
“We’re leaving in ten minutes, it’s time to put your shoes on.”
“Shut up. I was already going to put my shoes on. Idiot.”
And:
“Could you shut the back door, please?”
“Why should I?”
None of it’s awful or unmanageable. But it is getting rather irritating. And, when things do kick off, this is how they seem to start.
I say something that sounds reasonable to me, child responds with abuse, I object, massive tantrum erupts. Rudeness is the gateway to violence.
So, we want to do something about it.
A year ago, I thought that a house where people don’t punch me was an impossible dream. But, we are tantalisingly close to realising that dream.
So, I have hopes (small hopes, hemmed in by disclaimers, obviously) that one day I might live in a house where people don’t respond to my requests with verbal abuse.
At this moment in time, all I have is hope. The next thing I need is a plan.

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