Don’t call it running away.

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I’m writing this at my parent’s house, because Baby and I have run away.
Of course, this is a planned break, and my husband has taken the week off to take care of the big boys. Of course, the big boys think of this as a wonderful opportunity for Daddy to try his hand at home education (which it is, Daddy is quite excited).
But, driving away from my house, leaving my big boys for a week (well, sort of a week – I left at lunchtime on Monday, they’re coming down here for the day on Wednesday and I’ll be back for tea on Friday!), I felt like I was running away.
The boys are my responsibility. Home educating them is my choice. Disappearing and leaving my husband to do my job for a week feels slightly wrong.
We’ve been home educating for a year now and I do need a bit of a break. I think Baby does too. He is very good at staying calm in the midst of chaos. But I like him to have a bit of downtime too! I think Baby needs to spend some time in a calmer environment where he’s the one throwing toddler-style tantrums.
All the rages and the destruction in our home takes its toll. I get very tired. I get a bit sad. I struggle to be any fun at all. I feel like I’m failing all my children.
There are times when it feels like I have been defeated. I cannot help the boys. I can barely get through the day.
But, I am incredibly blessed. I have a fantastic support network! When you apply to adopt, social workers encourage you to identify your support network. Most people find that it changes a lot once the children come home. But, at least the process prepares you to need a support network. I couldn’t do this without my amazing support. This week away has been made possible by:
My mum and dad who are having me and Baby to stay;
My husband who is with the Boys;
My brother who is meeting up with my husband and the boys to break up the week;
My home educating friends who are including my husband and the boys in various activities this week;
My friends who have offered to be my husband’s back-up this week so that he doesn’t need me to go home early.
Without this amazing group of people, I couldn’t get away like this. I am enormously grateful to have them all.
So, we’ve run away. My fervent hope is that we will return home at the end of the week, energised and rested, ready to have fun with the big boys again.
I want to be good at caring for the boys. I want to be calm and able to help them manage their difficult feelings. I need space to get calm again.
I want to have the energy to create fun experiences for the boys, to keep up with their racing about and to encourage them to find the fun in life. I need to rest and recover and regain that energy.
Even as we drove away, I was looking forward to Friday when – hopefully – a better version of me will come running back home.
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8 thoughts on “Don’t call it running away.

  1. Well done for recognising that you (and Baby) need a change of scene.So often we push ourselves to the limits of endurance and then we break; far, far better to do what you have done and a far better lesson for all your children. I am sure you will return refreshed and re-energised and everyone will be happier for it.

  2. I get like this too, but usually on a Friday and I’m lucky in that my husband likes to take them out and keep them busy all weekend – and away from me! As much as I love them I’ve always needed this time away from them, even if it’s just for a few hours each week, and I think it benefits them to spend quality time with their Dad too. Enjoy your rest and quality time with your little one!

  3. Don’t ever feel guilty for needing a break. I think it is so helpful to everyone when mummy or daddy recognise they can’t do it all. It creates a wonderful feeling of teamwork and we’re all in it together through the good times and the sometimes hard times.
    I’ll be praying this week is all you want it to be and more.

  4. Have a good break! I think all moms feel that they’re failing. I feel like that a lot. Thankfully, when one day is bad – there’s time for a do-over tomorrow.

  5. I hope that the break left you refreshed. I think we all get a bit ‘pfff’ sometimes and need a moment to reflect. There is so much going on for us at the moment that life is relentless but I know that in a few months we will get a rest and my hubby and I can have a night out.

    I really do hope that you feel better. Thanks for linking up especially when you are away.

  6. Pingback: The #HomeedLinkup Week 4 - Adventures in Homeschool

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